i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
