I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
