Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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