i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
