even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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