Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
