To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
