There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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