Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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