At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
