Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
