You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
