Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
