i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize