she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
