But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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