id be glad to
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
