Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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