hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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