Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im holly from the hills drunk
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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