Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
