Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize