His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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