I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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