we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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