and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
