Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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