He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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