Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
