I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
