You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you win again, gameday.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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