Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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