we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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