I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
third nipple confirmed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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