he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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