Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i need an iv and a liver transplant
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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