you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
