You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
