Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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