I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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