this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
