i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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