If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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