you would pick up someone in the library
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
