i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
