I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
