so explain again why im purple
no
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
