sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
