It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
BRING THE BAGELS
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
