Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
