I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
