It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
