Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
