i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize