y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
