she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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