I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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