What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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