I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
