Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
