it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
