My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
