eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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