You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize