I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
