i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
