Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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