Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
