So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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