I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Someone shit on the floor
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
