His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
