Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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