there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
